He Who Laughs, Or The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Intimacy

Something’s gotta give

July 9, 2009 · 6 Comments

In a fitting way to celebrate the Fourth, I spent our Day of Independence entirely surrounded by couples — couples whom I love and admire, so I’m not complaining, but a roomful of duos to my uno nonetheless.

I kept busy, quipping whenever I could and eating my weight in salt and vinegar chips. During the very brief breaks I took to, you know, wipe the grease from my fingers and chin, I would look around the room and notice a pair here and there holding hands, or whispering something to one another. Don’t get me wrong; I knew that had I a mate present he would only distract me from valuable chip-eating time.

But the question still reared its ugly head: most of my friends are in relationships, and what am I in? A kneeling position in front of a long line of psychotics.

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6 responses so far ↓

  • David from Brazil // July 9, 2009 at 6:48 pm | Reply

    You know, I don’t get it. Everybody I see complains about the SAME thing. If all those ppl who want someth else found each other, they’d all solve their problems simultaneously. Hence, I’ll be opening a gay committed relationship dating site and i’ll become RICH!

  • Katie // July 9, 2009 at 7:25 pm | Reply

    I’m with ya honey. But back soon. We’ll go out on the prowl. Rawr.

  • Anika // July 9, 2009 at 11:48 pm | Reply

    I totally read that as ‘a kneeling position alongside a long line of psychotics’, and I was going to say I was one of those psychotics! Ah, well. At least if I had been there we would have been greasy with chips together. Long live Salt and Vinegar.

  • marianna // July 10, 2009 at 12:53 am | Reply

    Yes, David! there really should be a gayHARMONY (I want a cut for coming up with that).

  • Unreal David // July 10, 2009 at 1:20 pm | Reply

    You’re still young. You have many years before you’re allowed to be as bitter as I am. Pace yourself.

  • Chup Chup // July 14, 2009 at 3:25 am | Reply

    ohhh, i know that feeling. i’ve been feeling it for the last two years…everybody around is in a relationship but me…keep eating those chips, i’ll stick to alcohol.

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