New York Moment

(ISAAC and IAN M. are sitting on the L train, which is stalled at Union Square, waiting for it to continue westward. They sip at cups of lentil soup. A DRUNK YUPPIE GUY stumbles onto the train.)

DRUNK YUPPIE GUY: Ew. What is that?
ISAAC: Lentil soup.
DRUNK YUPPIE GUY: I’ve never heard of such a thing. What’s in lentil soup?
ISAAC: Lentils.
DRUNK YUPPIE GUY: Where’d you get that?
ISAAC: In Williamsburg.
DRUNK YUPPIE GUY: When these train doors close I’m gonna fall through them backwards.

(Beat.)

DRUNK YUPPIE GUY: I think lentil soup is — it sounds like some government project — something you eat that brainwashes you into voting for Democrats.  Yeah.  Like, a Republican wouldn’t eat lentil soup.  They wouldn’t.  Lentil soup — it’s part of the Obama administration.  It’s propaganda.  Like this guy over here.  Hey, would you eat lentil soup?
OTHER DRUNK YUPPIE GUY: No, no.  Split pea, man.
DRUNK YUPPIE GUY: Yeah, split pea.  What color is it?
OTHER DRUNK YUPPIE GUY: It reveals itself to be green.
DRUNK YUPPIE GUY: Green is where it’s at. We gotta get, no clean coal.  You gotta leave lights on.  You gotta flush your toilet like eight thousand times a day.  Even when you’re just peeing, you gotta flush it.  I just turn my car on and let it run for weeks.  Until the gas runs out.
CONDUCTOR (V.O.): Stand clear of the closing doors, please.
DRUNK YUPPIE GUY: Oh.

(He falls backwards out through the closing doors.)

FIN.